An open letter to Joe’s Crab Shack

Dear Joe,

I am so excited to see that you are building a new location near me!! I love your restaurant and the kitschy way you decorate. I love your food and how it’s served to me by the bucket full. (I can’t get enough of your seafood!) But please, don’t make everything stop every hour on the hour so that my African-American waiter can sing “Cotton Eyed Joe” to me. Or prance the lovely woman celebrating her 60th birthday around your restaurant with a grass skirt on. Don’t get me wrong, I love your place. I just prefer not to watch people being humiliated in the name of “fun” while I try to suck the meat out of my crab legs.

Thank you.